Continuing this summer’s series of Throwback Thursday posts dedicated to Howard the Duck.
Howard the Duck Magazine #4
March, 1980
After portraying Howard with light yellow feathers on the last two magazine covers, this issue has switched back to Howard with white feathers. In the previous issue we learn for the first time that Howard’s native planet is Duckworld, an Earth-like planet where ducks are the dominant species instead of humans. This issue drives the Duckworld storyline even further by centering it around the layout of a magazine called Playduck (a duck-themed parody of Playboy magazine). Howard can be seen dressed as Hugh Hefner complete with a bathrobe and he’s smoking a pipe instead of his usual cigar. Howard is also posed next to a sexy female Playduck model.
The Playduck Features: This issue basically has two Howard the Duck stories surrounded with various features that helps the reader with pretending that he/she is reading the latest issue of Playduck magazine. Rather than having a bunch of short paragraphs about each Playduck article, ad, or column, I’m just going to do one section devoted to all of the features that were peppered throughout this issue.
The parody duck-themed ads were pretty forgettable. Ditto for the columns featuring the writings of such famous Duckworld authors as Norman Mallard (a parody of Norman Mailer). There was an interview with a famous writer and flamboyant celebrity known as Truman Capoultry (a parody of Truman Capote) regarding his latest book, Ducking Out, which is about the mysterious disappearance of a drake known only as Howard who suddenly disappeared before a live audience at a presidential speech in Wackington, DC (obviously a Duckworld equivalent of Washington, DC). That article is only useful for providing a glimpse into Howard’s past before he arrived on Earth.
This issue even emulated the Playboy Playmate centerfold by having a Playduck Duckmate centerfold featuring the sexy nude posing of Ms. Amy Quackerton. Given the fact that Amy is wearing only a traditional Chinese hat while posing in a room that has extensive Chinese decor, the first thing that came to my mind when I saw it was the popular Chinese restaurant menu item Peking Duck.
The best of the Playduck features is the short text-based story titled “The Old Drake’s Tale” by Sir James Mallardy and that’s because it had an amusing punchline at the end.
The Bottom Line: This issue tried way too hard to pretend to be a publication from Duckworld to the point of having way too many duck-themed parodies of real-life famous people, places, and things—most of which fell flat. It would’ve been okay if they had done maybe two or three such parodies. But they went to such effort to have a Duckworld counterpart to everything that reflected 1970s and 1980s pop culture in real life that it felt like being smacked on the head with a sledgehammer. (Seriously, did they really need to have a Duckworld equivalent of Erik von Däniken’s controversial 1968 book Chariots of the Gods? as Von Daniwak’s Ponds of the Gods several years after the original book was released?) After a while I found the duck humor to be a bit tiring.
Story 1: The Maltese Cockroach
Credits: Bill Mantlo, script; Gene Colan and Dave Simons, art
Synopsis: Howard is working the late shift at his cab driving job. A large-sized caterpillar who’s completely dressed like Sherlock Holmes (including the pipe that he smokes) enters Howard’s cab. His name is Hemlock Shoales and he describes himself as an “inter-dimensional detective.” He asks Howard to take him to New York. Howard turns his request down mainly because he is in Cleveland and it would take several hours to reach New York. Hemlock Shoales does a trick where shifts things around by manipulating them along a planet’s line of a magnetic force and the two of them are instantly in New York.
They arrive at Barqu’s Bookshop and Hemlock Shoales tells Howard that he decided to ride in his cab because he knows that Howard had something to do with the Cosmic Key. It’s the same Cosmic Key that was the focus of the first issue of the original color comic book series and the second issue of the black and white magazine. It’s also the same Cosmic Key that Howard hocked after the first time he tussled with Pro-Rata because he needed the money to buy Beverly and himself clothes. Hemlock Shoales knew about Howard hocking it but he managed to trace it to Barqu’s Bookshop.
They find the proprietor, R.L. Haney. Hemlock Shoales begins to tell about the Cosmic Key, which originated on his home planet, Maltesia. But then he caught Pro-Rata stealing the Cosmic Key. In the melee that followed, the Cosmic Key was accidentally sent to another dimension as a result of Pro-Rata’s spell. Hemlock Shoales has been on a search for the Cosmic Key since then so he could return it to his planet.
R.L. Haney looks through a drawer and he finds the Cosmic Key. At that moment a giant cockroach appears and he calls himself the Uncanny Cockroach. He was once an ordinary cockroach until he sneaked into Haney’s drawer, found the Cosmic Key, and—mistaking it for food—starts to lick it. The magic of the Cosmic Key results in him growing several sizes larger.
He manages to grab the Cosmic Key and says that he intends to keep it because he needs it for his new ambition—to rule the world. He also intends to use the Cosmic Key to mutate his fellow cockroaches so they will become the new dominant species on Earth.
The Uncanny Cockroach runs out of the store with the Cosmic Key while Howard, R.L. Haney, and Hemlock Shoales pursue the creature. The Uncanny Cockroach’s presence on the streets cause a commotion among New Yorkers who have long had to deal with cockroaches. They manage to chase him to the Coach Hotel. Howard sees a hardware store across the street and he buys bug spray, which he then uses it on the Uncanny Cockroach. The giant bug starts to cough but he doesn’t die because of his large size. R.L. Haney pulls out a dagger that was hidden inside of his walking stick and stabs the Uncanny Cockroach in the back. The giant bug ends up shrinking back to his original size. Hemlock Shoales takes possession of the Cosmic Key and uses his power to send Howard and his taxicab back to Cleveland.
Topical 1980s References: After the Uncanny Cockroach is defeated, Howard, Hemlock Shoales, and R.L. Haney had to deal with going back across town to Haney’s bookstore but they had to navigate through the crime-ridden streets of New York City. They managed to avoid becoming crime victims by yelling things like “Murder!”, “Rape!”, and “Robbery!” At that time New York City had been through a crime wave that lasted several years. On top of it, there was an infamous case when Kitty Genovese was being murdered at her apartment complex. She yelled and screamed for help but she ended up murdered. It turned out that there were witnesses who heard her scream but they didn’t do anything about it because they didn’t want to get involved.
The Bottom Line: The title of this story is obviously a play on the classic Humphrey Bogart movie The Maltese Falcon. Even though I’ve heard of that movie, I have to confess that I have never seen it in its entirety. (I’ve seen the occasional clips from that film on various TV shows.) Not seeing that movie didn’t really detract me from enjoying this story—I was still able to follow along with it. I found the idea of a giant cockroach that was intent on world domination to be pretty hilarious. Even having that cockroach being dressed in a top hat, part of a tuxedo, and cape while carrying a cane only makes him look both ludicrous and hilarious. The Uncanny Cockroach ranks up there with the Kidney Lady and the Space Turnip as being among the wackiest villains that Howard has had to face through out the entire run of both the comic book and magazine.
Story 2: The Dreadcliff Cuckoos!
Credits: Bill Mantlo, script; John Buscema and Klaus Janson, art
Synopsis: Howard, Beverly, Paul, and Winda win a free trip to an out-of-town mansion called Dreadcliff Manor as a result of a supermarket coupon that none of them recall ever filling out. Despite that, the four of them end up going to Dreadcliff Manor because the trip is free.
Paul is still in a sleep state due to his injuries he received towards the end of the color comic book run so he is largely oblivious to what is going on around him. Meanwhile both Beverly and Winda disappear under strange circumstances and Howard begins to search for them.
Soon it becomes obvious that this story is the sequel to the color comic book issues #12-14, which had the story arc about Howard’s nervous breakdown, which led to him being admitted to the psychiatric hospital where he first met Winda. In turns out that the proprietor of the hotel is really Nurse Barbara in disguise.
Dr. Reich appears and he says that he now wants to be known by his “true identity” of Adolf Hitler. He intends to resume his quest for world domination but instead of using swastikas, he plan on corporate models where he will unleash his B.E.S.T. program (which stands for Bozos Eagerly Serving Tyrants).
Not only do Nurse Barbara and Dr. Reich appear again but other villains from the color comic book series also appear on the scene, including Rev. Moon June Yuk and The Sinister SOOFI. They all side with Dr. Reich. There are a couple of new characters who are also on Dr. Reich’s side—Mahagreasy Migrane Yogi (a parody of the real-life Maharishi Mahesh Yogi) and Werner Blowhard, who is a self-help guru.
It turns out that Dr. Reich wants Winda and Howard because Winda can tap into the Cosmic Axis to utilize her psychic power while Howard had actually fallen through through the Cosmic Axis (which was how he reached Earth in the first place). Dr. Reich is especially interested in Winda’s power because he hopes to use it to gain access to the Cosmic Axis and project his control on the minds of the entire world.
At the same time that Dr. Reich was talking about his plans for world domination, Howard was eavesdropping on the conversation from a hidden area. At that moment Paul begins to sleepwalk. Howard finds a bedsheet and a suit of armor and comes up with a plan involving ventriloquism to rescue Beverly and Winda. After Howard puts his plan into action, Nurse Barbara hits Paul on the head and he is knocked unconscious. On Dr. Reich’s orders, Rev. Yuk, The Sinister SOOFI, Mahagreasy Migrane Yogi, and Werner Blowhard go after Howard.
At that moment Winda becomes upset at seeing Paul unconscious and she begins to use her psychic power to tap into the Cosmic Axis and bring out a variety of people from other dimensions including the Beatles, Devo, Gene Simmons from Kiss, Julia Child, Elvis Presley, and many others to go after Dr. Reich, who begins to freak out at seeing all these beings singing and talking to him at the same time. Dr. Reich pulls out a gun and starts shooting everywhere. He accidentally shoots the Mahagreasy Migrane Yogi in the head while another bullet leads to Beverly escaping from her cage. The first thing she does is kick Rev. Yuk down an elevator shaft. Paul finally wakes up from his long-term comatose state as a result of being hit on the head and he joins in the fight.
The head of The Sinister SOOFI tries to use her secret weapon—Forumula 410—but she accidentally sprays Dr. Reich, who begins to hallucinate that he is Adolf Hitler in his Berlin bunker in the waning days of World War II. He re-enacts Hitler’s final moments by taking his pistol and shooting himself in the head, thus abruptly ending the fight.
Nurse Barbara finally confesses that Dr. Reich was not really Adolf Hitler. He was actually Hitler’s dentist. He was the one who identified Hitler’s remains using his dentures and that trauma resulted in him believing that he was the real Adolf Hitler. In fact he even began to wear Hitler’s dentures in his own mouth, which led to him further believing that he was the real Hitler. The story ends with Howard proclaiming Nurse Barbara’s story to be the most ridiculous thing that he has ever heard.
Topical 1980s References: At one point Rev. Yuk, who’s a parody of the Rev. Sun Myung Moon and his Unification Church, mentions that he has become a paid political director of a right-wing hate group. In real life Rev. Moon was a very strong anti-communist. He started a right-wing newspaper called The Washington Times and he financed the notorious bomb movie Ishtar in an effort to spread his anti-communist message while using a real-life Korean War battle as a backdrop. Once again there was mention of The Sinister SOOFI using Formula 410, which is a parody of the household cleaning product Formula 409.
The Bottom Line: It was a pretty amusing sequel to the original color comic book story arc while revisiting some old villains like Nurse Barbara, Dr. Reich, Rev. Moon June Yuk, and The Sinister SOOFI. It was also the story that finally got Paul turned back to normal, which was a good thing because keeping him as a comatose guy all of the time was starting to wear thin after a while. All in all it was a pretty entertaining story.
This issue was reprinted in Howard the Duck: The Complete Collection, Volume 3, which can be purchased online at AbeBooks, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, BookDepository, eBay, IndieBound, Indigo, and Powell’s.
The Howard the Duck Series
Howard the Duck: The Complete Collection, Volume 1 (1973-1977)
The Early Stories
Howard the Duck #1-3
Howard the Duck #4-5
Howard the Duck #6
Howard the Duck #7 and Marvel Treasury Edition #12: Howard the Duck
Howard the Duck #8
Howard the Duck #9-11
Howard the Duck #12-14
Howard the Duck King Size Annual #1 and Howard the Duck #15
Howard the Duck #16
Howard the Duck: The Complete Collection, Volume 2 (1977-1979)
Howard the Duck #17-19
Howard the Duck #20-22
Howard the Duck #23-25
Howard the Duck #26-28
Howard the Duck #29-31
Howard the Duck Magazine #1
Howard the Duck: The Complete Collection, Volume 3 (1979-1980)
Howard the Duck Magazine #2
Howard the Duck Magazine #3
Howard the Duck Magazine #4
Howard the Duck Magazine #5
Howard the Duck Magazine #6
Howard the Duck Magazine #7
Howard the Duck: The Complete Collection, Volume 4 (1980-1996)
Howard the Duck Magazine #8
Howard the Duck Magazine #9
Marvel Team-Up #98 and Bizarre Adventures #34
Howard the Duck #32-33
Sensational She-Hulk #14-17
Marvel Tales #237 and Spider-Man Team-Up #5
Howard the Duck MAX (2002)
Howard the Duck MAX #1-2
Howard the Duck MAX #3-4
Howard the Duck MAX #5-6
Sagittarius Dolly 