As you may have heard, Bill Cosby was accused of raping up to 60 women (the earliest allegation took place in the mid-1960’s) but, due to statue of limitations, prosecutors were only able to charge him with one of the rapes. In time Cosby’s original deposition from a 2005 lawsuit was unsealed where he admitted sneaking drugs to women so he could have sex with them.

This week his criminal trial ended in a mistrial. You’d think that with such an outcome Bill Cosby would decide to lay low for a while. Well, you’d think wrong for Bill Cosby is planning to go on tour. As The New York Times reports:

Bill Cosby is planning a series of town hall meetings this summer to educate people, including young athletes and married men, on how to avoid accusations of sexual assault, two of his representatives said Wednesday.

WTF?!? This is just like Adolf Hitler giving talks on how to avoid being accused of anti-semitism. This is totally unbelievable.

I’m going to save you the time, money, and effort that it would take to attend one of Bill Cosby’s town hall meetings and just tell you about how you can avoid accusations of sexual assault.

1) Don’t slip mickeys in other people’s drinks with any kind of drug—regardless of whether the drug is legal or illegal.

2) Always get the other person’s consent before starting sex. If the person says “NO” either before or even during sex, stop immediately.

3) Don’t even THINK about having sex with anyone who’s legally incapable of giving consent, such as underaged minors and people who are passed out from being drunk and/or stoned.

4) Try not to be the only adult who’s alone with a minor, especially one who’s not related to you. (That includes hosting unsupervised sleepovers in your home.)

That’s it. Now you won’t have to go to one of Bill Cosby’s town halls to learn about how to avoid sexual assault accusations. You’re welcome.