Ever since I started this blog back in 2010 I’ve been using both this blog and my social media accounts to promote myself as a creative person. I have to say that each social media platform is a completely different animal and it can be a chore at times to tailor a message to the audience on that platform. Based on my own personal experience, if I ever had to do a succinct definition of what each social media platform does, it would go like this:

Facebook: This is where you see your friends and family write about their children’s latest accomplishments or post photos from their recent awesome vacations to such really cool places like Cancun or Walt Disney World or London or Rio de Janeiro or Austin or Niagara Falls, etc. You’d better watch what you write about your parents or other family members and friends because they are on Facebook and they won’t hesitate to scold you online if you write anything that they perceived as being too critical of them—even if it’s something that’s relatively benign. (As a silver lining, if you’re lucky enough your scolding friend/relative might end up having his/her words re-posted on Lamebook for everyone to read and mock.)

Twitter: LOOK AT ME! I’M AN ATTENTION WHORE WHO’S WRITING OUTRAGEOUS THINGS IN 140 CHARACTERS OR LESS!!! PLEASE RT THIS!

Instagram: Selfies, selfies, and more selfies. If you don’t pay enough attention to my selfies, I’ll risk my life taking my selfies in dangerous locations without a safety net.

YouTube: I’ll become a YouTube star simply by making video reviews of toys and video games or making videos about some expensive upscale fashion items that I have just purchased during my recent trip to the upscale shopping mall. I’ll emulate PewDiePie’s method of continuing my YouTube stardom by making regular appeals for money while claiming that I’m a destitute poor person and threatening to delete my YouTube channel once I get a certain number of subscribers.

Flickr: I’ll post photos from my awesome trips to really cool places like Cancun or Walt Disney World or Rio de Janeiro or Austin or Niagara Falls, etc. along with my very arty photos of sunsets.

Tumblr: I’ll post my fan art of comic book superheroes (especially ones from DC and Marvel), My Little Pony, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Doctor Who then watch everyone reblog my work.

DeviantArt: I’ll post my fan art of Japanese anime characters that will get a lot of attention.

Google+: Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just hit the “Like” button or reply if you are reading my Google+ post. Is there anyone at home?

MySpace: Wait, this social media site still exists?!? Well, hot damn, it’s still around! I’m amazed that Rupert Murdoch didn’t totally run this site into the ground when he made that ill-advised purchase years ago. I wonder if Tila Tequila is still the Queen of MySpace despite her fascination with Adolf Hitler and the White Power movement?

LinkedIn: I’ll focus exclusively on my current job and my previous work experience. I’ll make it as plan vanilla and boring as possible with no drama whatsoever. I won’t even attempt to add any flair, creativity, or anything else that expresses my individuality because then I’ll get pegged as being “unprofessional” and it’ll be such a turn-off to potential employers that I’ll never be able to find another paying job ever again. Boring is good but try to be as unique as you possibly can without standing out from the rest of the LinkedIn crowd so much that you’ll get denounced as being “unprofessional” and you’ll become so unemployable that you’ll be forced into early retirement.**

Pinterest: I’ll pin whatever arts and crafts sites I find. If I happened to pin an arts and crafts site that shows how to make a certain Disney character, I’ll see that pin get re-pinned by others so many times that my e-mailbox gets clogged with notifications of all these re-pins.***

Minds.com: Here’s where I’ll find the latest conspiracy theories, dispatches from Anonymous, and alternative health remedies that may or may not actually work.

**Here’s a message for those of you who are staunch LinkedIn users: This post is satire. I know that, in a perfect world, I shouldn’t have to write this disclaimer but I’ve encountered enough stuffy humor-challenged professional people in various jobs over the years that I know that some stuffy humor-challenged businessperson who’s a heavy LinkedIn user would take this post 100% seriously if I didn’t include this footnote.

***This actually happened to me nearly two years ago when I pinned a site that provided a free pattern on how to crochet an amigurumi Stitch from the Disney movie Lilo & Stitch. That one pin is the most re-pinned pin on my Pinterest account. People are still re-pinning that Stitch crochet pattern to this very day. I had to disable all e-mail notifications because I grew tired of my inbox getting clogged with so many notices of people re-pinning that one pin. Especially since I didn’t create the original pattern nor do I hold any legal rights to the Stitch character whatsoever.

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